Today we said goodbye to our lovely friend Nicko. I didn’t realise just how anxious I was about this day until it arrived. Speaking on behalf of my friends to talk about how much Nicko meant to me/us was scary, but I hope people feel I captured the essence of what our friendship with Nicko was about. Today was definitely a celebration of a life lived, and I was so honoured to have been able to be a part of that. Meeting friends I’ve not seen for a while was also great if a little bittersweet, but times like this just serve to remind me how important these friends are to my life, and how much I cherish them. Life always gets in the way, and though we might not meet as often as I’d like, I’m so glad to know they are there.
In a way though I still can’t really believe Nicko has gone, and his loss will be keenly felt for some time to come. Living a good life in his honour, especially where sport is concerned is important to me, and I look forward to the Cotswold Classic triathlon next August with Nicko in mind. I know thinking about his grit & determination in the face of his cancer diagnosis will help spur me on when I’m feeling too tired or <insert excuse here>; if he can do it, i’ve got no bloody excuse. Along with a friend, the plan is to complete the tri and raise money for St Wilfred’s Hospice at the same time. They looked after our friend so well it will be nice to be able to repay even just a little bit of their kindness.
Today also felt like a new start for other reasons. I’ve been preoccupied about thoughts of letting go, and figuring out how you know whether something really is in the past or not. I think today confirmed to me that some things that were once important to me have now ceased to mean so much, now that I can understand their true worth. Or actually maybe it’s more that I recognise my own worth, and realise I don’t need anyone else to validate that for me; I know I’ve made that mistake in the past. I can see with more clarity that those things that are not what I thought they were can be left in the past where they belong. I feel like a huge weight is off my shoulders in some respect, as if i’ve shed an unnecessary skin, and can move on in the right direction without feeling as though I’m being dragged back by the past.
It’s time to keep moving on with life, to keep plugging away at my goals as I have been this last year or so. I now know I can get there by myself, but it’ll definitely be easier with help from the people I want to be a part of the adventure, from those I’m lucky enough to call my true friends. Here’s to the future.