All seemed to be going fairly well with the hamstring.  Granted I tried a gentle walk/run at the physio on Dec. 21st and it didn’t go too well, and running was out of the question, but at least it was feeling better again.  I went for a long walk in Greenwich with my pals on Boxing Day and hamstring felt okay, the only issue was my calf really tightened up.  Anyway, leg was improving.  Until I stepped into the car today after work, and something went ‘ping’.  As a result it is now bloody sore.  BUGGERY BOLLOCKS!!!!!  I’m soooooooo pissed off.  In fact it feels worse than it did when I first injured it after Parkrun.  So okay I know it’s hardly the end of the world, and yes I’m otherwise healthy, blah blah blah, but I’ve already lost about a month of training for Brighton and this isn’t going to help.  I’m waiting to hear from the physio tomorrow to see if they can slot me in next week, but regardless I feel like it is back to square one.

Clearly I’ll just need to wait and see, but having had such a good year of running with NO injuries, this is just so frustrating.  I feel totally gutted.  The reason I signed up for Brighton was because I wanted to be able to run a marathon I could be proud of.  I’ve completed two, and while yes, I’m happy to have done so, i’m not proud of my times for either.  This isn’t a reflection on anyone else who has run in similar times, and i’m not fishing for compliments either, but I want to be happy with my performance.  So if this hamstring injury takes out too much training time for Brighton, i’m not going to run it.  I’m not having another race to feel disappointed with.  If this happens then I’ll focus on the Outlaw as my A race.

I also have to admit that I think part of my frustration is that despite the fact running has gone well this year, which I’m proud of, and that I’ve lost a bit of weight, I could have made far greater in roads into the weight loss this year than I have.  I could come up with a million excuse, probably none of them valid.  I set myself goals, and if i’m honest I rarely achieve what I want.  I may set targets that are too high, but when you can’t achieve something that millions of others can (i.e. not being massively overweight), it makes me feel like a failure.  Again, i’m not fishing for compliments, I just need to be honest.  I’m a good starter, I’m a shit finisher.  Would I be injured if I’d reached my goal weight this year?  Maybe, maybe not, but regardless I’d be healthier overall which is more important than anything.  So while i’m frustrated at the injury, I’m really fucking annoyed with myself.  I’ve not asked the best of myself on a few fronts this year, yet no-one else is going to do it for me.

I realise I may be getting ahead of myself at the moment, and it might all work out such that I can get back running fairly soon and make up the missed time, but I can’t afford to miss too much.  What really hacks me off with this hamstring is that I can’t do lower body gym work at the moment either, gah! RANT RANT RANT.  So, I’ll just need to see what happens over the next few weeks and will decide from there.  I’ve got other build-up races in Jan., Feb., and March next year too, so I don’t want to miss those.

Anyway, c’est la vie.  I shall report back and make decisions once I know more about what’s going on with this hamstring.  If anyone knows a quick and easy way of grafting a new one on, please do let me know.  Thank-you kindly.